Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
