so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
