i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
