Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
