she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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