Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
