im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
