She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
