Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
