When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
