yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
