I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
