508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
