I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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