After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
