Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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