you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
