we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
