Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
