I have demons in me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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