I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
