Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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