I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
