i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
