i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
