didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
