I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
