Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize