there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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