I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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