he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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