The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
