good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the day after is always just damage control
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
