dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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