Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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