True but thats because hes a fetus.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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