y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
