even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
