got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
