are you still at the devil's house?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
