The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
