We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
