The maid of honor just puked.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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