so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
