I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA