Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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