You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
