you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
