States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
