also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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