Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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