Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
