You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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