The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
