i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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