I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
