My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
