Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
