just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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