I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I skipped work to stalk him.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
