I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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