this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
