Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
try to milk me bitch
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